The dentist, Hannibal Lecter and another Wednesday

I had a dental appointment this afternoon. First time with a new dentist. My boss recommended this guy, said he's really good and really thorough. I figured a couple of pokes, couple of x-rays, a good cleaning, a floss and I'm on my way.

I got there early, as they requested, to fill out the usual forms. Three pages of forms, but it's been awhile since I went to a new dentist, so maybe that's normal now. They wanted me in early, so I'd be done the forms by the time my app't was to start. But I waited anyway...20 minutes. Wasn't feeling too happy about that, but what the hell.

Then this woman comes out...we'll call her Wanda. She spoke to me like you would to a 3 year old. She took me around for a tour of the office. It's a dentist's office, it looks pretty much like every other dentist's office that I've seen, except everything is an ugly green. She seemed really happy about the tour. Maybe she's three??

On to the exam room and I had to show her how I floss and brush my teeth. Apparently I am a scholar flosser...who knew?! Damn fine brusher too.

Next, the x-rays. I think there were 12 altogether. I think she x-rayed teeth I don't even have anymore. After they were all done, we got up and headed to another x-ray room. This one is a stand up x-ray, and it goes around your whole head. I thought teeth were only in your mouth, not all over your head, but I've been wrong before.

It took about 5 minutes to get the whole thing set up, by which time I felt like Hannibal Lecter. My head's in a vice like thing with a gripper in my teeth, I'm holding onto side bars and standing at a really weird angle. Seriously, I think Anthony Hopkins rode the same machine when they wheeled him in in Silence of the Lambs. I mentioned that to Wanda, and lo and behold, that's her favourite movie. Whacky Wanda. Scary Sarah?? Does it disturb anyone else that a Hannibal Lecter fan is a hygienist??

Back to the exam room, and the dentist comes in. Sits on an exercise ball. I'm starting to wonder about this place at this point, a little odd to say the least. A nice enough guy if a bit intense. He started to check my teeth. I think he checked several dozen more teeth than I have, as he was in there for a very long time and called out about 87 different codes to Wanda. I mentioned that he is thorough right? It all sounded very serious, and I was sure I was in serious trouble with every single one of my teeth. Turns out just a couple of things need fixing. All the codes and poking was just his way of having fun.

He was very concerned that I grind my teeth. I swear I don't. He said I should have headaches, neck pains and tense muscles everyday. I don't. I believe neither of us will ever admit to being wrong. He just doesn't seem the type. Maybe I just chew really hard. Don't know, but I get to answer more questions about it next time...wheeeee!!

I got to see my mouth on TV. If you're ever offered this option, say no. Ask for cable instead. It is not pretty. No one needs to be that close to their own mouth. It's very gross. I'm sure for people who enjoy spending their days looking into other people's mouths it's a thrill a minute TV, but really, give me Dexter any day!

After about an hour and a half I was finally done. Paid my bill...chundled off to the bathroom before leaving for the bus...came out of the bathroom.....

and the whole place was dark.

I walked up to the front door...and it was locked. Couldn't get out. Walked back to the reception desk and started calling out...letting them know I was there and couldn't get out. No answer.

Oh joy...had they all left????

I called and called and called...no answer. Then the alarm started beeping like it was just about to set itself. I can just see it...a night stuck in the dentist's office. They don't even have gum. Which I guess is OK, since he told me not to chew gum anyway.

Walked to the back. There were two very surprised women, Wanda included, looking at me all bug-eyed. Both said 'you know, I thought I heard someone calling'...yeah, would have been helpful to do something about it. A third came along, having finally gone to the front to check and then wandering to the back to see if anyone was locked in. Yup! Me!!!

Finally got out, on the bus and home. Obviously, as here I am!

Please let me know if this in any way resembles a dentist appointment you've had. Have I not been going to the right kind of dentist? Do they all take a million x-rays and talk in code? Is the exercise ball taking over as office chair? Are all hygienists secret sadists? OK, maybe not so secret, they are hygienists after all....

Wonder what adventure is around the next bend in the road.............

til then,
westernweezy

Oh, and if you noticed that I didn't mention anything about my teeth being cleaned...that's because that's booked for 2 months from now.............no first visit cleaning here.